Emerald Hag, (Heart, more recently)
you want to know more about me. I can't imagine why!
plain as they come, female, 51, short, fat, terribly unattractive ( as
I am, as the computer sees me), broken down since my back injury (see
me as I was twelve years ago), with a missing
front tooth that I can't afford to replace.
poem - it's about me, by me, for me. I'm as complicated and unpredictable
as El Nino~ - I'm a Gemini! I can change directions faster than a twister,
sometimes peaceful and calm then suddenly like lightning from a clear blue
sky - ready to spit fire and chew nails! I'm kind until I'm not; I'm wise
until I'm not; I'm loving until I'm not; I'm timid when I'm peaceful and
Bold as brass when I'm fired up about something. I'll argue all day long
and into the night if I think I'm right (and, then - sometimes just to
get a rise out of my best friend).
Rob Bullion is my best friend besides
my family and I am my worst enemy. The Lord, God watches over me and Jesus
tries to guide my way; sometimes I stray, I'm human! I only hope I don't
stray too far. You won't catch me preaching or quoting scriptures but I
feel sorry for anyone who doesn't believe; my relationship with God is
very private; it's between Him and me; it's no one else's business! (Oh,
oh; did you notice that little flame burst? I get that way when I get on
touchy subjects; don't worry, it's was just a spark compared to the fire
that engulfs me when I loose my temper. Should have been a red-head!)
generally a pacifist but I've been known to throw a punch. Ever been pushed
to a point where you just wouldn't take anymore? I use to have a couple
mottos that I spit out real fast when under physical or verbal attack,
one was: " I won't back up, I won't back off and
you can't back me down; so, if you're stupid enough - COME ON!
" . I try hard to control my temper because it's like a pit bull's, a blood
rage fills my brain and the only thought in there is ' KILL 'until I get hold of it and realize I could kill somebody. When I was young,
I was always afraid I might hurt someone; people took it for granted that
I wouldn't fight or was scared of them. Then I married, for stupid reasons,
and my attitude changed - it had to! Then I decided that if they were stupid
enough to push me then they were asking for it! That's when my motto was
After the divorce, the war was over and I just wanted to be
left alone and in peace. An old school acquaintance whom I mistook to be
a friend owned a bar in town and when I had finally settled into a state
of peaceful calmness I started visiting her at the bar. At this time I
developed a new motto; " Don't push me! I push
back!". I watched the guys shooting
pool and drank coke (Coca Cola, not to be confused by other colas). One
day I just got up and put money on the table and announced that I thought
they could all use a laugh, it was after all April Fool's Day. They kept
laughing with me and at me because I spent the whole day challenging the
table. But, something happened, I liked the game; the rules; the general
honor between the shooters that shot 'no slop'. I couldn't get my fill
of it and after a couple weeks of it, some of the guys started showing me
One older gentleman, Sammy, who taught me that the 'stick' wasn't
a tool, it was an extension of me and started challenging me, forcing me
to shoot better and better; then I met the man I wasn't looking for, Jim,
and he made me 'think' the game and hone my concentration to the point
that the table was the only thing in the room. He taught me that I wasn't
playing an opponent, I was playing the table. That did it! In a matter
of four weeks of hard practice I went from not knowing which end of the
stick to use - to - their 'secret weapon' against strangers in the bar
- to the one they put on the table if someone couldn't be beat! I love
the game and although I'm not a competitive person, this was a competition
I couldn't walk away from. I shot my very best games against men that berated
'women on the table'. Then my back took a turn for the worst and I couldn't
shoot anymore; I still try occasionally, with family or friends, but it's
very hard to get down on the cue ball and hold my concentration when my
back starts pinching.
Determined Won't quit! Stubborn! Perfectionist! Work-a-holic! Never say
'die'! Won't be beat! That's me when it comes to the professional side.
A favorite motto during these periods of my ever flipping personality is
one that my mother taught me - "If it's worth doing, it's worth doing RIGHT!".
If I'm going to waste my time doing it, I'm going to do it right! If I
say I'll do it, I want it clean! My 'Word' is my bond. I believe your 'Word'
is your promise, a gold bonded guarantee; don't ever say you'll do something
and fail to get it done. If I say I'll do something, I'm giving my 'Word'.
Honesty is the most important value a person can have with their family,
loved ones, friends, strangers and most of all with themselves.
Side of Me
is one! It's the part that makes me vulnerable to others; the part of me
that let's people 'run-me-over'; the part of me that keeps me broke;
the part of me that is really stupid and gullible; the part of me that
spends a half a day fixing a strangers crashed computer for free when I
should be charging for my time; the part of me that sets me in path on
an 1800 mile trip to Florida to fix my sister's computer when I can't drive
fifty miles without pain; the part of me that makes me open my mouth to
a stranger in a department store and answer their questions about computers
that the sales clerk doesn't know; the part of me that gets me 'involved'
in other peoples lives; the part of me that distresses me the most! This
side of me is closely guarded, chained and tied, reserved for my loved
ones - but it still gets loose! This is the part of me that I don't seem
to be able to control; the part of me that predators feed on; the part
of me that is my one chance at Heaven's Gate. It bothers me that it 'bothers'
me! Can you understand that? I don't know how else to explain it. It's
the part of me that gets so out-of-control that it drains me dry and makes
Side of Me
an eye for color, balance and detail that carries over into anything graphical.
I've noticed that I have a strange ability to flip around creatively. My
preference is to the softer, romantic, artistic side of things; but I generally
create for someone else . . . and in creating for another person, my design
automatically averts to their preferred style. It's a great ability when
you do for others, but when I'm creating for myself (as I should be for
this web site) I tend to wonder and roam about in the allowing each creation
to be triggered by it's content. I'd like to develop the entire site around
the home page, but wouldn't that be boring for my visitors? I'm not sure,
so I allowed myself to roam. Later, I will design a page just for me. The
point is that this creativity quirk enters into all aspects of my creative
outlets; ceramics, photographic portraiture, computer graphics, crochet,
sewing, cake decorating, programming, form design, and lets not forget
the creative art of selecting the perfect gift! Each is fine when viewed
individually; but when put together in one package, it's a disaster - a
mad hodge-podge of styles that don't blend smoothly from one to the other.
Got to get control of it! It's rather like the difference between having
a matched set of dining place settings or having each place setting an
independent design and style. When you set the table, you either have the
unified, blended elegance and grace or you have a disruptive, un-quiet
collection of influences which are hard to blend into anything more than
air of disquiet. Yep; it's hard to be me; but I like me!
A lot of
my most beloved activities are a thing of the past. If it costs money or
requires sitting, standing, bending, twisting, climbing or balance - it's
beyond my abilities now. I like the computer so much because I can do it
sitting, standing or laying down, but I get bored with it now and then
and long for the activities that I can no longer indulge in with any regularity.
Find me a job, people! A job I can perform from home, full-time. Yeah,
right! Everybody would like that even if they are able to get out and work.
Things I Like
the grand daughters
(the bluish hue)
for a living
I Don't Like
yelling out their windows
so loud you can't hear the person next to you
dropping by without calling
who have to touch you
the Lord's name in vain
more than enough to give you the general idea of who I am, where I come
from and what I'm about. Funny, that's what Key use to tell me when we
shot pool tournaments; "Show 'em who you are, where you come from and what
you're about, Sis!". It was his way of telling me to run the
get on out of here and surf - I'm tired of entertaining you. Oh, sign my
guest book if you have the time; this poor old hag gets a kick out of it!
me out of here!